Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
