so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
The ass gains better be worth it
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