I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
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My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
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I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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