The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
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It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I party with great urgency now.
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