Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Found the puke drawer
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
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