She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
