She is in my trunk
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
