I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
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Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
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I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
You are the jesus of drinking
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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