respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
it's great music for shaving your balls
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
