What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
