Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
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