My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
