I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
