sorry about calling you the devil all night.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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