the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
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Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
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I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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