My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
