someone threw a dead crab at me
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
