If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
