Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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