i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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