i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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