It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
