Just fell off a train. Bad.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
