So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
