Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
