Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
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