I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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