I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
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