Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
