mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
