Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
