:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Who did Billy Mays play for?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
