Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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