when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
