I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...