"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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