sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
