Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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