i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
