he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
