Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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