I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Just pee around me
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
