first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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