Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Less talking, more tequila
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
