I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
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i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
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Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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