tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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