I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
