I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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