Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
