I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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