Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
