I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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