Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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