Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
