At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
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My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
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How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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