I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
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Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
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I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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