omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
