Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
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