so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
