guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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