I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
