Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
