CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
