my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I can feel your judgement through the phone
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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