we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
