Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm like, not good at living.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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