Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
